It’s that (dreaded?) time of year again. The day when all the happy couples spend way too much money on oversized teddy bears that you have nowhere to store in your home and twice as much on flowers as they would any other day of the year. Gosh, look at me being all cynical. The truth is I’m a hopeless romantic, and Twin Peaks has given us some of the most heartwarming, heartbreaking and downright ludicrous love scenes of any TV show. Series 3 certainly had less to love to give, but when it did, it bowled us over and made our hearts so full.
So what are my favourite love scenes from Twin Peaks? Here we go…
The kind of girl that makes you wish you spoke a little French
When Gordon Cole laid eyes on Shelly Johnson, we saw a whole new side to the eccentric, hard of hearing FBI boss. Confident in his convictions, he went straight out to woo the young beauty, shouting compliments to her across the counter, much to her embarrassment. And much to his surprise, when she spoke, he could hear her perfectly, proving perhaps that love, or at least lust, has a way of making things clear. He was totally in tune with Shelly. E-lec-tri-city indeed. Such a shame they didn’t meet in Series 3; that would have been a beautiful thing.
While this may not be a love scene as such, and while Coop is not my cup of coffee at all, I still swoon at the way he looks at Audrey, the teenage temptress, as she slinks her way over to his breakfast table. You can just catch a glimpse of the devil inside him there, waiting to come out. Innocence triumphed though, as we all know, and much to many fans disappointment, Audrey and Coop remained just good friends. I was glad about that. They were not suitable for each other, and if love had blossomed, then this next moment might never have happened…
Two penguins were walking across an iceberg…
Annie and Coop were a match made in heaven. Both were a little bit weird, kooky, appreciative of the beauty of nature, an air of innocence about them but both with a dark past that they could relate to. A way to a woman’s heart is to make her laugh, and Coop rather surprisingly did precisely that here with Annie, even with this terrible joke. It was meant to be. Or was it? The Giant/Fireman tried to warn him away, but Coop was always going to fall for the damsel in distress, which led to his entrapment in the Black Lodge. Fear and Love opened the doors — her fear, his love. They both paid the price terribly.
Yes, this is perhaps one of the most absurd sex scenes ever to be televised. Janey-E’s role as “woman at the end of her tether” transforms into that of “horny housewife” at the sight of her newly buff husband. And he doesn’t really speak = the perfect man. I jest, of course. But it does appear that Coop, despite his mind still being trapped somewhere between the Lodge and our world, was still able to give Janey-E the ride of her life, with no effort whatsoever. Which begs the question: just how good in bed is the fully complete Coop? (a thought many readers have regularly had, I’m sure). But before you fall too deep into that daydream, it’s actually the end of this scene that makes it into my Favourites. As they lay in each other’s arms, Dougie repeats his wife’s words, ‘I love you,‘ and the look in his eyes is authentic. That is Coop right there; he doesn’t seem a million miles away. I believe that he meant those words and, you know, I’m not so sure it wasn’t the real Coop that turned up at the red door to be with his family. That Coop was way more like the man we knew than the man who took Carrie Page back to Twin Peaks. Who knows? Maybe Coop got his happy ending after all.
Albert Meets His Match
Oh Albert, I can barely mention you without my heart breaking. This is bittersweet indeed, a generous dollop of everything I wanted and more. Albert’s dry wit, snark and cynicism made him a fan favourite. He was married to the job and spent a lifetime hanging out with Gordon Cole, which, let’s face it, as much as I love Gordon, would get a little tiring, having to SHOUT ALL THE TIME! Albert and Constance’s eyes met across the decomposing body of Major Briggs, and instead of the usual roll of the eyes or need for an apology for his sarcastic sense of humour, Constance lapped it up and dished it right back. Albert met his match. We later see Albert dining with Constance, the two of them laughing, much to the glee of Gordon and Tammy. Aww, thank you, Lynch & Frost, for this moment. We needed a happy ending for Albert, and in my mind, that’s what he got. I feel as though my stomach is filled with a team of bumblebees!
The Ballad of Ed & Norma
Of course this list would never be complete without Ed & Norma, the affair we had been rooting for, for 25 years. They were high school sweethearts, but both made some bad decisions — Norma cheated on Ed with Hank, Ed ended up marrying Nadine in an act of drunken revenge. Norma only managed to break free from Hank upon his death in prison, and Ed could never escape his own prison of guilt for accidentally shooting his wife’s eye out; he stayed with Nadine for a lifetime. The stars finally aligned for this pair when Nadine, inspired by Dr Amp, set Ed free to be with the woman he truly loved. The Otis Redding track “I’ve Been Loving You Too Long” set to this scene was just perfect and will forever be synonymous with this moment. (If I don’t get to attend at least one Twin Peaks-themed wedding in my life where this is the first dance, then there will be hell to pay). If you didn’t weep with joy at this moment, then your heart is made of stone. But do Ed & Norma really get to live happily ever after this time? Yes! They do! Even post-timeline change, The Final Dossier tells us that they got married shortly after Ed’s proposal, and half the town was in attendance. Can we have a Twin Peaks Special just for this, please, Mr Lynch & Mr Frost? You know like the one they had for Scott & Charlene’s wedding in Neighbours? I want to be there!
Ah, so there they are, my Favourites. What would be on your list?
For those of us still out there waiting for ‘The One’ don’t lose hope, love can arrive at your door when you least expect it, and it doesn’t matter how old you are; some things are worth fighting for and will happen when the time is right. Your patience will be rewarded. Twin Peaks in itself has taught us all about that, and this love affair between us and the show is perhaps the greatest of them all.
I’ll leave you with some final words from a very wise man indeed:
“One woman can make you fly like an eagle, another can give you the strength of a lion, but only one in the cycle of life can fill your heart with wonder and the wisdom that you have known a singular joy” – Tommy ‘Hawk’ Hill
Wait, wait, wait. Stop the press! Did you really think I could write this list of Favourite Love Scenes without mentioning John Justice Wheeler?!
So Audrey didn’t get her Special Agent, but she did get her cherry popped by handsome Jack, king of sweaters, who immediately afterwards got on his plane and went to… Brazil, never to be seen again. Yeah, you’re right Audrey, love stinks.